Why Will You Walk?
Evelyn Goode
Delaware / Madison
In January of 1994 I decided to make some changes in my life. I had been with my husband for 10 years and we had five amazing children together. The drug usage that he experimented with during his teenage years followed him into fatherhood. His addictions became even more obvious as rent was always past due and the utilities were continuously being turned off. I had always thought that naturally, it would get better. He would be the husband and father that we needed to be a family. Eventually it got to the point that I stopped caring if he changed or not. I gave up on us being a family. I started going out with a group of girls from work to escape from my life for a while. This only made things worse. I realized that my children needed a stable and safe environment to thrive. I had to get them out of this rut that we created for them. They began to witness the behavior of their father’s abuse of drugs and eventually he started to openly threaten me if I talked about leaving. He began to get a little more physical and started to push me around when he was talking to me. The last incident he shoved me so hard in the bathtub that I thought my spine had cracked. I knew it had to stop and things had to get better.
The breaking point was after Christmas of 1993. My children ranged in ages from 4 years to eleven. With no tree, no presents, and no Christmas dinner, I decided to try and get help. I contacted the nearest woman’s and children’s shelter which was in Richmond Indiana. I was told that they were exceeding capacity at that time, but a shelter in Muncie would be able to take us in until an opening was available. I waited for a week or so in hopes that the Richmond Shelter would contact me. I became restless. I was so ready to make a change right now. I contacted the shelter the next day and I told them the Muncie arrangement would be okay.
It was an extremely cold and bitter January night when we left. I packed up almost everything we owned into 8 big trash bags and took them to my sister’s house down the street. We took one small bag of clothing with us which contained one change a piece. My brother drove us to Muncie where we met the caseworker at the pick up site. She drove us to the shelter. The housing unit was warm, clean, and very organized.
The sudden change was hard for us all, especially for my oldest son. He wanted to go back home. He threw a series of temper tantrums over the next few weeks. He destroyed the room daily by taking the bedding and mattresses off the bunk beds, pulling the blinds down and tearing up everything in sight. He would often yell at me and blame me for taking him away from his friends and family. He told me everyday that he hated me. THIS WAS ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT THINGS I HAVE EVER HAD TO GO THROUGH. I knew he was hurting. His life as he knew it was taken away from him in one night. I remember thinking to myself,” just forget it and go back, it wasn’t that bad”. But it was getting bad and I knew that going back would only allow things to continue to get worse.
The staff at A Better Way helped me understand how my son’s reaction to such a drastic change was normal for someone his age and how it also impacted the other children who weren’t showing signs of distress. They provided me with group sessions and counseling for the children. The tantrums subsided over the next few weeks. He was able to meet friends at school and would call my nephew and talk with him once in a while. The shelter also provided resources and education on the types and signs of domestic violence and drug abuse. I found out what co-dependency meant and the role I was trying to play in my family.
Immediately the residents are challenged to begin focusing on a foundation to better their lives and begin thinking about long term goals. One area of emphasis was continuing educations. I remember one of the ladies had asked me what subjects I liked best in school I told her Accounting. She said, “Ball State has an excellent Business and Accounting program here in Muncie”. I told her that I couldn’t go to a college. It would take a lot of time and money, and I was a single mother with five children. She looked at me, smiled, and said “don’t think about it like that, or you may never know, but if you believe in yourself, you’d be surprised at what you can do”. These words stayed with me.
We were at A Better Way for about 4 weeks and then were transitioned over to the Shepherd Center. The Shepherd Center was a larger facility that housed families while the children could continue to attend school and the parents (mothers) worked on finding housing, job searching, and meeting their personal goals. Becky Brandon was a case manager at the center. Becky is a very positive person, and her smile welcomes everyone. My children and I became close to her during our stay. We made frequent visits to her office where the door was always open. She made the stay there easier by being apart of our daily lives. The Richmond shelter caseworker called to tell us they had an opening 2 days later. By this time, we had moved to 2 different locations within a 2 week span. I didn’t think that would be good for the kids. So I decided to stay. I feel that my meeting Becky at that time and by her being apart of my support system was the most important factor in making that decision.
While the kids went to school during the day, the mothers’ were required to attend education and job skill development classes. Taunya Lund was the administrator of the Learning Choices program. She reached out to all of the residents and had a way about her that she was able to communicate to everyone on the same level, regardless of their background. This program provided all the tools from test work books and refresher courses to monthly bus passes for all our transportation needs.
During the placement and assessment stages they needed to determine a starting point for each of us. I had gotten my GED when my oldest son was in pre-school. Taunya was excited to find out that I had already taken the test. She asked me what I wanted to provide for my children and what I’d like to do for a career. I told her I thought about Accounting in high school. Her enthusiasm beamed from ear to ear. She was like this with everyone and I believe that she really cared about each one of us.
One of the milestone assignments that our group was given was to compose a general entrance request letter to attend a college. My goal was Ball State. Taunya often reminded us to present ourselves through the determination we had to achieve a better life. That is all I could focus on until I was finished with the letter. I read my paper over and over. I was pleased with the message and the determination that the letter held. She read the final draft, looked up at me over her glasses and said “you are going to Ball State aren’t you?” I felt so empowered and confident that I could do just about anything at that point.
While we waited on the response from Ball State, we had an opportunity to focus on other goals. One of those was permanent housing. During the time that we were in the shelter, a Section 8 administrator came to the Shepherd center and met with all the residents. He told us that since we were technically considered homeless that we qualified for emergency benefits which placed us at the top of the waiting lists. He was a kind person, and it was obvious he enjoyed helping families in need. He and his staff worked with each of the families to complete the necessary requirements to sign up on the program. One month later, we received our vouchers to go look for a home. I wanted to thank him personally. The next day, I took my two youngest children on the bus while the older kids were in school. We went to the office down town. I couldn’t remember his name but figured someone would be able to help us find him. When I got there I learned that he had taken a position in Indianapolis shortly after helping us. They gave me a card with his name and contact information. It was spelled Angel Tuia. I asked how to pronounce it. It was pronounced like Angel to-ya. There were goose bumps all over me as I walked out of the building. I never had a chance to thank him and probably couldn’t pick him out of a crowd, but I will always remember his name.
Two weeks after our request letters went out to Ball State, we received the responses in the mail. Taunya came in to class that day on cloud nine. She was so happy, I knew the news was good and if it wasn’t what I had hoped for, it would still be okay. She handed me my letter and stood there beside me. As I began to read the introduction, I realized that I had been accepted. It hit me like a ton of bricks. As tears ran down my cheeks I could literally feel the bottled up emotions which I had struggled with over the past few months, even years come pouring out. A heavy weight had been lifted and I was so relieved. This was a good day. The first day of the rest of my life!!
Looking for a home was the next objective. I rode on the buses to become more familiar with Muncie and the Ball State area. One day while I was at a local grocery store looking at a message board of houses listed for rent, I ran into a father and daughter on my way out His name was Bob Ewert and his daughter was Naomi. They were very friendly and invited us to join them at the church he ministered that following Sunday. They offered to provide transportation to and from church. We met Bob’s wife Sylvia and oldest daughter Julia that Sunday. We also met Simon and Gladys Moungui. They were from Africa and had 3 children of their own. These two families were strong in their faith and beliefs in God. They were very positive and excited to share their stories with us. We were welcomed and became apart of their church family for a while.
Bob and Sylvia had also offered to help us look for housing. When we received the vouchers we were given a list of landlords and names that were currently accepted Section 8. We were encouraged to ask around to other landlords that were not on the list, because they may be wiling to accept the vouchers as well. I decided to pick up the paper and go for the first 3 or 4 bedroom listed. There was a 3 bedroom located on East 14h Street. I called the pastor and his wife and they came that same day. As we pulled up, I felt good about the neighborhood and the house itself. There were 2 couples already there looking at the house. The one couple had 2 children and the other couple was recently married. The house was newly built and very nice. The back yard was huge. As we walked through the rooms I could see my kids there and thought how much they’d love this home. When the landlord asked me how many children I had, there was a dead silence when I answered back with five. I did not let this bother me. I told him I was interested, and so did both couples. He told us all to leave our applications with him and he would get back with us the next day or so with his decision, as there were others expected to see the house that day. I was trying to keep a positive outlook, but dug deep into my faith and asked God to help me with this. As we drove away from the house I immediately began to pray.
The next day I was called to the office for a phone call. It was Keith Costello, the landlord of the house. He wanted me to know that and his parents had just recently become landlords and they were being very selective in choosing their tenants. He asked me about Section 8 and about how we came to Muncie and ended up at the shelter. I didn’t mind sharing my story with him. He was really excited to hear that the shelter was providing me with resources to further my education and better my life. He then told me that for some reason, he felt that he needed to put me in that house. I was so happy and thanked him continuously over the phone. His response was overwhelming, “You don’t have to thank me, just graduate from Ball State”.
Five years later, I did just that. It wasn’t easy by any means. Half way through my second year, I became frustrated with not having money to get the kids things and thought about quitting and looking for full time employment somewhere. The courses became more difficult and the study time had eventually consumed every waking hour. But I couldn’t quit. I had put so much into this. Quitting would take away from everything we had gone through and changed to get there. I know now that if it hadn’t been for the resources provided and the people I met along the way, I may have dropped out that day. But I had a sense of loyalty to myself, my kids and each person who invested time and energy into making my life better. The struggle was hard and at times long, but it passed as time always does. In July of 1999, I sat among the graduating “Class of ’99”. I proudly walked across the Ball State University stage with my kids, family, and friends shouting from the audience at the top of their lungs as they called my name from the list of graduates. Their tiny little voices soared across the crowd. I could hear them and could tell how proud they were of me. That feeling was like no other I can describe to this day.
A few months later, I received a phone call from the Section 8 Family Self Sufficiency coordinator. He informed me that a local bank posted an accounting position and encouraged me to apply. I interviewed with First Merchants in October of that same year and was offered a balancing position in the Finance department. It was easy to see early on that I was surrounded by people who cared about their work, their community, and others. I have made friends that I will keep for a lifetime and learned lessons that I will carry with me throughout the rest of my professional career. I have been with the company now for 9 years this month. Guided by an outstanding group of superiors and leadership, I have been given opportunities to learn, grow, and exceed the expectations of management and my own personal goals and objectives. Over this time I have achieved an Officer ranking. During my last employee review the CFO of our corporation told me that I was among the top 5 in our division. That made me very proud to be apart of the team.
My children and I have had our fair share of struggles and continue to be faced with challenges along the way. I have made some bad decisions but I have chosen not to linger or thrive on these short comings. I know that we will be okay and I am convinced that by having faith, focusing on my goals and choosing what kind of people I allow in my life along the way has made a significant impact on where I am today. From the moment I set foot in Muncie, the right people and resources were placed in my life at the right moments. I could look at this as mere coincidence but it’s not. The golden rule of Life for me personally has become a matter of FACT. Faith (in God), Attitude, Choices, and Time. I wake up everyday accepting that there are things in life I can’t control and knowing that it is how I choose to react that will determines my destiny.
